It’s important to note the difference between a metaphor and its (arguably) less powerful cousin the simile. Similes are pretty easy to identify since they use ‘like’ or ‘as’ to make the comparison between two things.

To take one of the examples from the post:

Metaphor: A blanket of snow fell last night.
Simile: Last night’s snow was like a blanket covering everything.

I think the original poster gets the difference … but drops the ball in the final line with:

“… even if your vocabulary is as bad as, like, whatever.”

… which is clearly a poor simile and not an ugly metaphor.

Great post though and sorry to be picky!